Sunday, January 2, 2011

Why Do I Scare You?

As I have stated here before, I'm a women, a mother, a wife. I have a "traditional" marriage for the most part.

Why does this scare people????

I feel like if I were to "come out to the world" about this that I would be attacked!

Here's an imaginary dialogue I had while making breakfast and doing some dishes.

In my mind I was somewhere public, like on a train where I had lots of time and nothing to do but converse with those around me or sit there dead silent. I was in my norm for "going out" - jeans, nice blouse, decent shoes, hair done, possibly makeup and nails done. Very "modern June Cleaver" in appearance.

A woman turned to me and introduced herself. She noticed my wedding band and commented on it. I told her "My husband picked it out for me! Didn't he do a great job?!?!"

She looked at me with a bit of surprise in her eyes. "You didn't choose your own wedding band?"


Then she asked where I was going. I told her I was going home to visit my family. My husband's job caused us to need to move 1300 miles away.

"And you're okay with that??? Having to leave your family and everything??? That must be awful!!!!"

"Uh, no."

The next question was about my husband. I already saw where this conversation was going, but thought, hey - what the heck! :) lol

"So you were able to get off work to go see them? How lucky for you!"

"Umm...actually, my "work" is over there playing with his Leapster Explorer. I'm a stay-at-home Mom who occasionally works for family members when they need an extra hand with something from home."

"You mean you don't WORK??? Your whole life is your children???" She tries to calm herself down and turns and asks my son how excited he is to be off school to visit Grandma and Grandpa.

"I'm doing school now! I'm homeschooled!!"

I almost saw her eyes roll into the back of her head...I was starting to wonder if I might need to remember my seizure procedures.

She whipped back to me and said, "Aren't you worried about his development?"

"Yes, that's WHY I homeschool."

"Does your husband agree with this?"

"Yes, he and I agreed early on that I would stay home and raise our children. This is an extension of that promise."

"He MAKES you stay home and take care of your son????"

"No, I want to. We agreed upon it."

Miffed she stops to think for a moment and then calmly asks me, "So, if you don't work and don't have your own money, what if you need to buy something?"

"Well, he gives me a set amount from each paycheck that is mine to do what I want with. If I need more for some reason, I ask him and if it's in the budget, I can have it."

"You mean you get an ALLOWANCE and HAVE TO ASK FOR MONEY?????"

"Does that bother you?"

Sputtering, creeped out and clearly unhappy she says, "YES! That's abuse!!!! I would never stand for it!!!!"

Smiling, KNOWING we were going down this road I said, "Okay, so since we've talked so much about MY life, how about yours?" I look at her designer shoes and handbag, she's impeccably dressed, super expensive haircut, the works. "Are you married?"

"No! And I wouldn't want to be if this is what marriage is to you!!!"

"I believe everyone should be able to live their own life according to their beliefs and unless they ask me for my opinion, it's not mine to give."


"No, Maam. I'm not brainwashed. This is how I choose to live my life."


(time out - this is where I got irritated and decided this needed to be posted)

"Wait a minute here. I just said this is how *I* choose to live *MY* life. I never said it was how you had to live yours. I think it's great that you work. I'm glad you're happy with your choices!"

"You can't possibly be happy like this."

"Actually, I AM. I love my life. I love my son and my husband. Why does that scare you?"

And she huffs off without giving me an answer.

Why do traditionalists scare people so much? I'm not saying this life is for everyone or that they MUST do what I do. Why does it matter so much to them that I conform to "their" way of thinking because they are free to choose what they want?

I just don't get it!


  1. I completely understand your feelings!!!

  2. In the institutional brainwashing we are taught that it's our right to choose how we want to live. But the unspoken rule is that we are free to choose, as long as we choose to go along with the rest of the worldly herd.

    Well, I've been around herds. I've lived with herds on my property. They chew with their mouths open, they walk in their own poop, and that's just the beginning. So I will also pass on the herd thing, thank you very much!

  3. Amen, Heather! I get these same kinds of reactions - more tempered but similar - on a regular basis. But I'm with you; I love my life and wouldn't change a thing. :^)

  4. What a creative way to express your thoughts on this topic Heather...thanks for sharing!
    As for "Why does this scare people so much?"
    I believe the answer lies in the fact that a modernized, secularized, materialistic, corporate world has difficulty with (and is frightened by) simplicity, submission, vocation, and Truth.
    Part of them thinks, "How can she be happy like this?" but the other part of them wonders, "Am I missing something?" and THAT is the part that frightens them most.
    Facing the truth of YOUR chosen lifestyle makes them question their own...when you or I question those other lifestyles...we sit back and say, "Nope...not for me...I'm glad I am where I am"...but many of those who are like your imaginary friend look at YOUR lifestyle and feel uneasy in their exude peace, contentment, and JOY...they feel DIScontented, even with all of their "stuff", and they wonder if there's something more to life. As you implied...we don't feel the need to make others change or conform to our way of life...this is because we are CONTENT to let others choose for themselves...people who are not content or convinced of their own choices feel intimidated by those who are.
    Anyway...nice post...thanks!

  5. I can say that it's not "scared" I feel, but rather that I don't understand your choices.
    I still love you, though!

    I know you are not weak of mind, body or spirit. I know that you will fight for what you believe in and I know that you wouldn't do this if it didn't make you happy. ;)

    Some women have fought so hard for the "choice" that they forget that there really IS a choice.

    There are some wives who are in your position and it's NOT by choice... and what is scary is they don't know they have a choice.

    *huggles* and Blessings

  6. Kris ~

    I'm 100% against women who don't make this choice consciously realizing that there are other options out there. I've worked many times to help them out of bad situations.

    That's my "main" issue. Those who fought so hard for a choice to be available who just can't fathom why someone would still want to live this way.

    And you're far from alone in not understanding. But you accept me and love me for who I am...I couldn't ask for more. :)


    ~ H